The Wealthy Stay-At-Home-Mom

Sep14

 “It’s nice to meet you, what do you do?” She asks.

“I am a stay-at-home-mom” I reply, wondering if I should throw in information about my college degree and prior work experience, just to portray myself with a little more value in the eyes of my acquaintance.  I don’t have the chance to go on, however, as she responds quickly.

“Oh, wow, you are so lucky to get to stay at home,” she replies, “We could just never afford it.”

“Money only stretches so far,” I politely relate, though slightly cringing at her assumptions, “We are certainly blessed with the ability to make this work for us.”

Does she assume we’re wealthy, I wonder.  Surely she understands we’re not, right?  Surely she understands it is a trade-off?  Does she really think it’s “luck” that made this decision for us?

She’s right, though, in a way.  I can afford to be a stay-at-home-mom and I am wealthy enough to afford a great deal of valuable things.  Things that are so precious, in fact, that the things we can’t afford pale in comparison.

For example:

I can’t afford a second car, but I can afford long walks with little ones on beautiful weekday afternoons. 

I can’t afford to own my dream home, but I can afford to fill our rental with the sounds of laughter, comforted tears, and the pitter patter of little feet all day long. 

I can’t afford cable television, but I can afford to read to my children for more than the recommended 20 minutes a day. 

I can’t afford new clothes each season, but I can afford to teach my children to value what they have and take care of all they have been given as I care for and mend the clothing we are blessed to already own. 

I can’t afford to take my family to a nice restaurant, but I can afford to prepare meals that fill our home with the scents that will one day make my adult children long for home.

I can’t afford regular lunch or coffee dates with friends, but I can afford to invite friends into my home and demonstrate Christian hospitality to my children as well as my guests.  

I can’t afford a professional hair style or color; but I can afford to embrace natural beauty as my children watch me twist my hair into a fast bun and hurry out of the bathroom to join their fun.

I can’t afford a manicure or pedicure, but I can afford to play “This Little Piggy” on repeat to the content of fascinated little minds, looking into their eyes as we play and smiling with them as they learn. 

I can’t afford a gym membership, but I can afford to live a healthy and active life in front of my children and teach them to do the same.

I can’t afford to enroll my child in private lessons of various kinds, but I can afford to invest time in knowing their dreams and abilities better than anyone else and coaching them to use those abilities to honor and glorify God.

I can’t afford to get a babysitter and go on long dates with my husband, but I can afford to serve him diligently at home as his helper and love him in ways that help him honor God at his best.

I can’t afford to travel the world on family vacations, but I can afford to be the person who is always there and ready to answer their questions when they are curious or confused about the world around them. 

I can’t afford a mountain of gifts on Christmas morning, but I can afford a mountain of love and truth all year long. 

I can’t afford to host giant birthday parties at popular venues, but I can afford to spend every single day reminding my children that they are valuable and worth celebrating.        

I can’t afford the latest and greatest toys and electronics, but I can afford to diligently train creative minds to explore, imagine, experiment, and create. 

I can’t afford to pad a savings account with the recommended 6 months of necessary income, but I can afford to pad a future of unknowns with faith and trust in God’s provision and teach my children not to worry in times of trial.  

I can’t afford to provide my children with the things they want, but I can afford to teach them that they have everything they need. 

I can’t afford to spend my time making money, but I can afford to make my time worth more money than I could ever spend. 

I can’t afford a lot of things, but none of them will ever exceed the value of those things that I can afford. 

I am not lucky, but I am blessed. 

I am not rich with money, but I am wealthy. 

_____________________________________________________________________________

Check out the follow-up to this article here:

When We Lose Sight of the Wealth.

Check out the side-bar for all the great blogs I link-up with from week to week.

If you enjoyed this post, you might also enjoy: His Mother’s Son, Somehow I Grew to Love that Chair, That Time I Punched an Eight Year Old, and Dear Expectant Mothers.

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53 thoughts on “The Wealthy Stay-At-Home-Mom”

  1. Well done!! Totally what I needed to read today! When I read your posts my inner reading voice is you, so I imagine your facial expressions too. That might be weird but it was especially fun to read your list imagining you telling them to me while in your house and you down on the floor playing with Joshua. It was encouraging. I can sometimes loose sight of things!

    Reply

  3. Powerful post! I home schooled for five years and received many funny and strange comments from people. I wouldn’t trade those years for anything. We created wonderful memories. I enjoyed reading your blog. (Visiting from Faith FIlled Friday linkup.)

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    • Isn’t it surprising how strange the looks and comments can get? If I’m not careful, I can start getting offended. Most of the time, they just can’t relate to our choices, and the comments come out of misunderstanding. Thanks for reading!

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    • Thanks for sharing! I hope my readers will visit your post, too. I have never had someone say “just” a stay at home mom, but I am sure it will happen eventually! I’m sure that it usually comes in the context of wondering if you also do something part time or work from home, as many moms do, and it’s not meant to belittle the job of a mom of course. I try to assume positively in those conversations as much as I can, but it can be hard not to feel offended. Thanks for stopping in! Blessings to you!

      Reply

  5. When I have children I will definitely stay home with them, no matter how hard the sacrifices are. As you pointed out, the sacrifices are so worth it. I will keep this list in mind for when the time comes. It is so inspiring.

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  9. I absolutely LOVE your thoughts on this topic. It was also really annoying to me when I felt almost embarrassed to say I was a stay-at-home… as if that didn’t measure up to the status-quo, or I was missing something major in my life… My husband often had conversations with co-workers about this and most of them couldn’t believe we could afford to have me stay at home full time with the kids while they were barely making ends meet on 2 incomes (with fewer children). Granted, the cost-of-living is on the rise everywhere, it always has been! Yes there are some exceptions, but for the most part it’s lifestyle choices we make that trumps cost-of-living. I am so glad to be a stay-at-home and homeschooling mom, and I will quickly admit there are LONG days here at home, I wouldn’t trade it for anything. I know in a few short years everyone will be gone and living their own lives and I’ll have to figure out something else to do! Ack! What then? :) Blessings, from Madagascar at Grace For That

    Reply

    • Wow, Madagascar! What an interesting place to serve as missionaries! I can completely relate to your comment here, and have had to work on humbling myself many times in those types conversations. In those times, it is so important for us to reflect on how we compare with God’s calling on our life, not how we compare with people that don’t understand our lifestyle choices. In the thick of it, we find ourselves annoyed and misunderstood, but given the chance to really sit back and measure the “wealth” we have been given in our calling, our hearts can be so full with joy at the end of every day!

      Reply

  10. What a wonderful post! We don’t yet have kids because of my desire to stay home with them. I often wonder how others {like you :) } do it. Still working on ways to save, and we don’t have TV, gym memberships, ect, but we are stuck in town, as most people are, and want so badly to save up enough to buy out in the country and raise animals. :)
    I found you via Monday’s Musings.

    Reply

    • We spent a great deal of time in a similar place, waiting to try for children until we felt we could afford it. It has been amazing to see how God provided for our needs and showed us ways to cut back even further when suddenly I was expecting our first child. Truly, though, God orchestrated our finances in ways we could have never worked out ourselves, so I can not begin to take credit for the ways we are able to make ends meet right now. I pray you and your husband will have a “wealthy” future, raising animals in the country! (Being from a farm town in Iowa, my heart melts a bit for such a place!) Thanks for stopping in!

      Reply

    • Great response :) . I usually love being asked what I do, because it gives me an opportunity to share a bit of my passion for the role of Mom and Wife. Other times, I might not get to share that passion but I am given an opportunity to remind myself that it is an honorable calling, regardless of how others view it. Thanks for stopping in!

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  13. Loved this post. You captured so beautifully the order of priority that we as parents should have. I love your last statement: “I am not rich, but I am wealthy”. To me that sums it up all in a nutshell what matter most to you. Your family, your home, your children. Just beautiful. Hurrah for Moms like you!

    Reply

    • Thanks, Heather. All the glory goes to God here, for I could never say in my heart that these things really matter most to me unless God first changed my heart to value eternal things above material things! Praise him for blessing us with the perspective to see what matters most!

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  14. What an excellent post, Tyanne! Thanks for linking this up with The Alabaster Jar. Seeing how I just wrote about How to Obtain Financial Security, perhaps those who are considering being a stay at home mama will re-think their priorities. God always provides what we need!

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  15. Love this! Thank you! It reminds me to put into perspective what it is that I CAN afford. I’ve never been upset that I stay home, but there are times I miss teaching; however, I wouldn’t give up my “wealth” to make more money. Thanks.

    Reply

    • It’s amazing how easily our perspectives can shift from what we already have, to what we can’t afford to have. I pray we all will be able to dwell in the richness we’ve been given! Thanks for stopping in!

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  17. Such an encouraging post! I truly enjoyed reading this! Its true, there are definitely sacrifices we make to stay at home with our children, but they are indescribably worthwhile. If I can be a stay at home mom on our salary, anybody can do it :) !

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  22. This was a wonderful post!. I found you through womenlivingwell.org, and I am in complete agreement with you about being wealthy though not rich. I was a career woman, but I never felt satisfied, safe, and completely happy until I became a stay at home mom. It is the most rewarding job in the world, and every day is a blessing. It is challenging, especially when the world seems in direct contrast to all of these values, but the reward far surpasses every challenge. Thanks for putting all of this into words!

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  24. I am not a mom, but I must say this post was beautiful and profound and encouraging for me as a single woman. I pray my children and their children’s children would know what its like to have parents that love the Lord. So thanks for encouraging us to become those wives and mothers who pursue Christ above all else and then this is reflected to their children and then Lord willing they turn to Christ their Savior.

    God bless,
    Rebecca

    Reply

  25. Tyanne…I absolutely love this! What precious reassurance that being a stay at home mother is a wonderful blessing. Like you, I find that I am wealthy in a much different way, the way that brings honor and glory to our Father. This week I am featuring your blog at WJIM’s Monday’s Musings. Thank you for sharing this at WJIM this week. Blessings.

    Reply

  28. Reblogged this on Joyfully Submitted and commented:
    As a Stay-At-Home-Mom of 18 years I have often faced the scrutiny and condemnation of those whose view of stay-at-home-moms is less than favourable. As I read this post from Lamp on Stands, I found myself thinking that I couldn’t have said it better myself. As we prepare to spend the month of October on the topic of Biblical Submission, I plan on using the last few days of September sharing the voices of other women as they address or touch on some of the sub-topics we will hit on next month :D Enjoy and share your thoughts :D

    Reply

  31. This was absolutely beautiful. Touched me deeply. I am a SAHM that had recently been having a really really hard time. I have a five and 3 year old girls and I am 12 weeks pregnant. I don’t know where to begin when it comes to my emotions lately, but I am DRAINED. I bawl at least once everyday. I get do frustrated with my girls. We are currently not doing well financially and I never have money for fun. I just get so sick of being home and being with my kids! I know that sounds awful!! I feel like a failure all the time because I let them watch too much tv and I’m often irritable. I could go on and on, but I wish I could feel good about what I do. I mean, I am usually an upbeat, hard working person but it all builds up and I just feel WORN OUT!!!!! Praying to find that balance. Anyway, I don’t know why I got into all that, but your post encouraged me.

    Reply

    • Julie,
      I wish I could just give you a big hug and tell you it will get better! You are not alone, and I can completely relate with how you’re feeling. Sometimes there is nothing more lonely then seeing other moms seem to have it all together while we are just begging for bedtime to come faster each day. I wrote a response post to this called “When We Lose Sight of the Wealth.” http://lamponastand.com/2012/09/20/when-we-lose-sight-of-the-wealth/ I love for you to read it, as I am hoping it will connect with how you’re feeling. In all things, the truth of Scripture will be your best source of encouragement though! Please let me know if there is any way I can help you further! Feel free to email me at tyannethelamp@gmail.com.

      In Christ,
      Tyanne

      Reply

    • Julie,

      I know exactly how you feel. I had a 3 year old and a 1 1/2 year old when my 3rd was born. Things are hard! My husband worked 1st shift which left me by myself with 2 small boys everyday ALL day. I thought I would go insane! Looking back I wish I had some help, a friend, someone to stop by and help. Things do get easier though, my kids are now 6, 5, 3 & 1. Sometimes just chatting with someone on-line can help. If you want to talk look me up on facebook, or email me :)

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    • Julie,

      Know that you are so not alone! I sure sounds like you have a lot going on and I am worn out just reading about it! The women over at incourage just started some groups to encourage other women. You can read about them here: http://www.incourage.me/incourage-community-groups I, personally, am hosting the New Moms group. You can read about it here: http://newlifesteward.com/inmotherhood/ We would love for you to join us! Or another group if you feel like you better fit somewhere else! (((HUGS))) to you fellow mom! :)

      Mary Beth

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  32. Hi Tyanne,

    your post was truely inspiring, thought provoking and so encouraging! Really makes you think of what really matters in life. I feel sooo many people(or the family and people I have encountered) are materialistic and always focused on the next big flat screen, or new game system, new car when their car was working just fine, redecorate just to redecorate, etc. So many people living outside of their means and live by charging and charging those credit cards. Which is very easy to do, especially in this economy/world we live in today. I have a 2 1/2 year old son with high functioning autism, pediatric feeding disorder, anxiety disorder, sensory processing disorder, growth disorder, and speech delays. Makes for long days, therapies throughout the week, I am a dishwasher, driver, laundry worker, mom, preschool mom, OT, ST, feeding therapist, etc. I wear many hats in one day and might not have the best looking house on the block, the nicest cars in the driveway, the best curb appeal, stories about cruises/vacations, BUT I heard him say his first sound, first smile, first haircut, first steps, first word, counting, singing, baking together, crafts/arts. I don’t tell people I feel lucky, I feel blessed and fortunate to be a proud stay-at-home mommy. My husband and I are making many sacrifices!! I love your last line, “I am not rich with money, but I am wealthy.” Amen!!!

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  33. This is one of the most encouraging things I’ve read in a long time. I’m expecting baby #3 in 9 weeks (hopefully a little sooner?? :) ) and my husband and I are struggling. I do work very part-time and only have to put one child with a babysitter for approx. 5 or less hours a week while my 1st is in school. We struggle with how to make ends meet w/a personal business/ministry and are seeking God with all our hearts. We also struggle with how to handle spiritually the fact that we can’t pay all our bills every month lately, yet we’re serving the Lord and not being wasteful by any means. We just continue to wait on Him and seek Him, but we both wanted a stay-at-home mom/wife before we even knew each other! THANK YOU SO MUCH for the encouragement. I AM SO WEALTHY. Praise the Lord!

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  34. I Love this post. It is such a blessing to see other people who recognize the importance of a full time mother.
    Thanks For Making My Day :)
    -Karie

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  35. This brought tears to my eyes! I am now a grandma to almost 5. ( and still home in my empty nest.) It put into words the choice we made. I pray my children look back and agree that those are the gifts I gave them.

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  36. This is so very true! When my oldest was six weeks, my husband said there is no way we can have a stranger watch him. I trusted God to provide for our family. It has been twenty and a half years since I quit my job.

    I have been able to take my boys to the park, play dates, library, zoo, museums etc. I was the one who taught them to walk, read, write, ride a bike, drive a car and take public transportation.

    Through it all, God has provided many tests but has brought us through all of them. God has even provided my oldest a full scholarship.

    The verse (Psalm 37:4) where it says God knows the desires of our hearts, is so true!! He knew I wanted to go to Europe and He provided a plane ticket for $35! I can totally see His hand in our lives every year that goes by.

    Praise the Lord, He is so very good. I hope whoever reads this will truly put everything in His hands. He does so much more than we could ever imagine.

    Reply

  37. I love this so much! I normally don’t leave a comment but this really sums up why we do what we do as Christian stay-at-home moms. I should read this every day as a reminder. Thank-you for this post :)

    Reply

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